Movie Wisdom

From the movie Author! Author!:

You can always tell an Armenian because his name rhymes with Armenian.

Idiots

Read about the idiots here.

WHITE PLAINS, New York (AP) -- Everyone agrees that Ligaya Lagman is a Gold Star mother, part of the long line of mournful women whose sons or daughters gave their lives for their country.

Her 27-year-old son, Army Staff Sgt. Anthony Lagman, was killed last year in Afghanistan when his unit came under fire during a mission to drive out remnants of Taliban and al-Qaida forces.

But the largest organization of these women, the American Gold Star Mothers Inc., has rejected Lagman, a Filipino, for membership because -- though a permanent resident and a taxpayer -- she is not a U.S. citizen.

"There's nothing we can do because that's what our organization says: You have to be an American citizen," national President Ann Herd said Thursday. "We can't go changing the rules every time the wind blows."

"We can't go changing the rules every time the wind blows." Shame on her. And shame on her worthless organization.

Mr. Danica Patrick

I watched the end of the Indy 500 on TV today. At least I thought it was the Indy 500 but apparently ABC thought it was covering the Danica Patrick 500. Nothing against Miss Patrick. From all reports, she's a fine racer.

When I first tuned in, the race was under yellow. ABC was giving us the recap of how Danica had bravely struggled back into 8th place. They did not mention that she started the race in 4th place.

With only a few laps to go, Dan Wheldon passed Danica to take the lead. Whose car did ABC choose to show close-ups of? Not Mr. Wheldon's.

The main announcer Todd Harris was great to listen to because he was so terrible. "50 years from now you will remember where you were..." "All the stars are lined up, blue skies are out ..." I thought that if Danica had won the race, ABC would have been fined by the FCC for having had him simultaneously broadcast both the race's climax and his own.

I looked up Mr. Harris after the race to find out who this extraordinarily bad announcer was. He is best known for his work on ESPN's Strongest Man competitions. I wonder if he ever got so excited by Magnus Ver Magnusson.

Priest Jokes

A rabbi, a minister and a priest... No, no. Not that kind of priest joke.

Today is Corpus Christi Sunday in the Catholic Church and I'll be attending Mass in a few hours. But last Sunday was Trinity Sunday and my priest told a joke.

A few years ago I was attending a Confirmation Mass at another parish. When the time came for the bishop to question the children, he asked, "What is the Trinity?"

A little girl raised her hand and the bishop called on her. In a very soft whisper she said, "The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit."

The bishop, unable to hear, raised his hand to his ear and said, "I'm sorry, my dear. I don't understand."

The girl, much louder, said, "But you're not supposed to understand. It's a mystery.

Okay, I didn't say it was a good joke.

Listening to Frank

I bought an album a few days ago called Classic Sinatra. It's a collection of recordings that Frank Sinarta did for Capitol records from 1953-1960. I own only one other Sinatra album, Songs for Swingin' Lovers, which I have enjoyed listening to.

One of the songs on Classic Sinatra that I really like is "Come Fly with Me." It was written by Jimmy Van Huesen and Sammy Cahn and originally recorded by Frank in 1957. I've heard this song many times over the years, sung by various artists, and I always enjoyed the exuberance of the melody and rhythm but I never paid attention to the words. What wonderful words they are. I especially like the second verse:

Come fly with me, let's float down to Peru
In llama-land there's a one-man band
And he'll toot his flute for you
Come fly with me, let's take off in the blue

Lyricist Sammy Cahn weaves together the connected theme of Peru, llamas and flutes. Not exactly items that jump to mind when I think of song lyrics.

I've been listening to that song a lot over the past few days, trying to learn the words. The rest of the album is great, too. If you don't have any Sinatra albums I can heartily recommend Classic Sinatra as a good place to start.

My Apologies

I'm sorry about the non-existant postings over the last couple of days. No real excuse aside from the fact that I'm lazy. No, really. It says so right below the main title. Go read it. See? Lazy.

Boots, Bullets and Polident

Here's a story from Seattle about National Guard units that have trouble deploying on time because the soldiers have so many dental troubles.

At least now I know that I have something in common with America's warriors.

Sounds good to me

Mmmmmm

When in Rome...

And we wonder why they hate Americans.

Bill Clinton in Rome: Let the hijinks ensue.

American Music

You probably don't know his name, but you've certainly heard his music. Recognize this song? It's called "Sleigh Ride" and it was written by a man named Leroy Anderson.

Mr. Anderson also wrote other songs you might be familiar with. More seasoned readers might recognize "The Syncopated Clock" which was used as the theme for The Late, Late Show on CBS. Anyone who ever played in a high school concert will recall "Sandpaper Ballet," "The Typewriter," or "Bugler's Holiday." He also wrote "Blue Tango" which was a #1 hit in 1952.

Mr. Anderson died in 1975.You can read more about him here.

Mi-kel, Mi-kel Jack-son!*

I've been a fan of Michael Palin ever since I first saw him on Around the World in 80 Days, a TV show where he attempted to recreate the journey from Jules Verne's book. It wasn't until after that I learned he is better known for another TV show.

After Around the World in 80 Days he went on to film several more travel series including Pole to Pole and Full Circle. His latest is called Himalaya.

He has a very nice website called Palin's Travels, where he has the full text of all the companion books available for reading online. It's well worth a look whether you are a Palin fan, a travel fan, or both.


*You can read an explanation for the title here, in the third paragraph. But you should really read the whole book.

Silenced Voice

I just found out that Thurl Ravenscroft died this past Sunday. You may not know the name but you know the voice. He was best known as the voice of Tony the Tiger of Frosted Flakes fame (They're Grrrreat!") and as the guy who sang "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" in How the Grinch Stole Christmas. You've also heard his voice if you've ever been to Disneyland. He did voiceovers for Jungle Cruise, Tiki Room, Pirates of the Caribbean and many others.

Read more about his life and career on All Things Thurl.

Short people got no reason...

I am not a tall man. In my bare feet I stand a little over 5' 7". Most guys my size wouldn't mind being a few inches taller, if for nothing else to woo women like certain statuesque pseudonymous elvish bloggers.

Excessive height is not in my genetic make-up. In fact in my family, I am on the tall side. In everyday life there are some advantages to being rather tall. Reaching the top shelf in grocery stores. Being able to see in a large crowd. Faster promotions. Better first impressions. But there are real disadvantages too, I think.

I was once on a flight with a man who was probably 6' 10". I don't enjoy being in coach on a crowded flight but that was nothing compared to seeing a grown man wedging himself into a fetal position for the duration. I'm sure his back still aches.

Speaking of back aches, it seems to me that very tall people have a greater share of chronic back problems than those of us closer to the ground. And back aches are something which tend to stay with people a long time and cause their victims untold grief.

On a more mundane level, I don't see how those of NBA-type height sleep well in normal hotels. With a pillow at my head, I find that my feet are right at the bottom of the bed. I guess giants learn to sleep with cold feet.

I would also imagine that there are problems finding clothes to fit properly what with sleeve lengths and inseams. Or maybe the wrong proportions. Of course, that is a problem with shorter people as well.

There are some other problems I can think of but the point is that I am happy with being "just-right," or at least "just-right" for me.

Six minus one

I'm listening to a CD I bought a few weeks ago called Six by The King's Singers. It's a good album, or rather a good EP, but I don't like the third song called "The Wishing Tree." It was commissioned by The King's Singers and the BBC for the Golden Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II and is just plain awful. A quote from the author of the song, Joby Talbot, appears on the The King's Singers' website.

My music is accordingly punchy and angular - a sense of desperation creeping in as words and syllables are bounced from one side of the ensemble to the other.

Yes, a sense of desperation certainly comes over me when I listen to the song. I am desperate for the song to end.

Having said that, I do like the rest of the songs. My favorite is "Blackbird." I heard the group perform it as an encore many years ago when I was in college. It's a song which brings back wonderful memories for me. I bought the CD primarily for this song. I didn't find out until a few years ago that it is from the Beatles.

The other songs are "Down to the River to Pray" which appeared in O Brother, Where art Thou? and "Lullabye" by Billy Joel. Also "After the Goldrush" by Neil Young and "Blue Skies" by Irving Berlin. I don't suppose too many records out there contain songs by both Irving Berlin and Neil Young.

Thank you, Lord

...for not making me an Episcopalian in New York City.

From the always lovely Dawn Eden.

Day is done...

With Memorial Day coming up, you might be interested in knowing more about Taps, the tune played at military funerals. Here is a site called TapsBugler.com. It has more information about Taps than you would ever imagine.

Mabuhay, y'all

Here is a link to a post about Dominican Sr. Mary Magdalene from the Philippines on a six month visit to the US. Does it seem like a lot of luggage for a nun? I don't know, I'm just asking. I suppose the habits and veils probably take up a lot of room. Or perhaps it's all pasalubong.

Check out the main site. Interesting look inside the life of nuns.

Hey, Boo

Harper Lee, author of To Kill a Mockingbird, accepted an award presented to her by the widow of Gregory Peck, who played Atticus Finch in the movie. I had no idea she was still alive.

Who Said That? Revisited

The other day I posted some quotes without saying where they came from. Here are the solutions. Scroll down for the original post.

"Dignity. Always dignity." This is from the movie Singin' in the Rain. Said by the Gene Kelly character, Don Lockwood, at the beginning of the movie.

"Sew like the wind, old one!" From The Three Amigos. Said by the Martin Short character, Little Neddy Nederlander.

"May I suggest Gonzales?" A real tough one. From the movie Bad Medicine and said by the morgue attendant played by Luis Gaspar.

"Ice cream." Many answers to this but only one right one. This is from the TV show MacGyver. You have to be a MacGyver fan to understand.

"Courage, La Plume. Courage." From The Odd Couple. Said by Felix Unger in a French accent to "Andre La Plume", aka Oscar Madison.

"What is this man doing here?" From Hogan's Heroes. Said innumerable times by Maj. Hochstetter, played wonderfully by Howard Caine.

"What does a yellow light mean?" An easy one. The classic line from Taxi. Said by the character Jim Ignatowski, played by Christopher Lloyd, to his co-workers when he was taking his driving exam.

"Touch 'em all, baseball man!" From a baseball story told in the book It's Gone! ... No, Wait a Minute ... by Ken Levine.

She Likes Me!

A Tale of Teenage Woe
Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

A long, long time ago when I was in high school I had a crush on a cute girl named Gracie. Gracie was a couple of years younger than I and we both were involved in the same after-school activities. We were friends and lived not too far from each other. Her older brother and I were in the same class.

One day my friend Vinnie and I were teasing Gracie as we were wont to do. Exactly what we were teasing her about I don't recall but somehow we picked up one of her notebooks. Her strenuous pleas to give it back just further egged us on and we saw on the back cover a big heart she had drawn surrounded by many little hearts. In the middle of the big heart were the words "I love Jake." Wow. She liked me. She loved me. The beet-red color of Gracie's face confirmed the news.

Now you have to understand, I was never the most popular kid. I was a dork. But not now. I felt ten feet tall.

I remember walking out of school that day feeling like I couldn't possibly ever feel happier. I felt like dancing. I felt like singing. I was walking on air.

What a day this has been,
What a rare mood I'm in,
Why it's almost like being love . . .

There's a smile on my face,
For the whole human race,
Why it's almost like being love . . .

All the music of life seems to be,
Like a bell that is ringin' for me . . .

And from the way that I feel,
When that bell starts to peal,
I would swear I was fallin'
I could swear I was fallin'
It's almost like being love . .

I lived in my happy little universe for the next few days. Then Vinnie told me that Gracie did indeed love Jake. Another Jake. Jake Doohan.

Goodbye cruel world. As happy as I felt a day or two before, I now felt as if my life had come to an abrupt end.

"Um, yeah, Vinnie. Of course it was Jake Doohan. Of course," I said. I think I had to turn around to hide my face and made some feeble excuse to leave the room.

Smile, though your heart is breaking
Smile, even though it's aching
When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by
If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile, and maybe tomorrow
You'll find the sun come shining through for you

***

It's funny how silly it all seems now. But at the time I remember it being very crushing and embarrassing.

They say that time heals all wounds, and that's largely true. Many past troubles can now be remembered with laughter when at the time it all seemed so bleak. Except for the really big things like the death of a loved one or very severe illness, it's hard to remember what my biggest day-to-day worries were five or ten years ago.

Illiteracy

I have a good singing voice. I sing heartily in church and often sing simply because I like to. I played drums in the marching band in high school. Sang in the choir. The thing is, I can't read music.

Well, I can sort of read it. One note at a time by counting lines and mumbling to myself "every good boy does fine." Forget chords. Or harmonies. And for the life of me, I can't count out beats and sing at the same time. I've tried. Many times.

I have a very good memory for melodies and many times can hum a song back just after hearing it. But forget lyrics. When I listen to a song I don't usually pay any attention to the words. I have a few lyrics memorized but only by rote. So when I do sing songs, it's entirely by heart musically (I can read lyrics while I sing).

I understand that Roy Rogers never learned to read music. I've also heard of some other famous musicians who never have either. I wonder if there is something different about certain people's brains that makes it very difficult to read music. Or to do anything, for that matter.

Some people have a very hard time reading maps. Smart, educated people. Others have a hard time spelling correctly. When people are naturally good at something we say that they have a talent for it. But what do we say when people find something terribly difficult to do no matter how hard they try?

Who said that?

Here are some quotes from movies or TV shows (and in one case, a book). While not too well known, they are sure to put a smile on my face. Can you identify them?

"Dignity. Always dignity."

"Sew like the wind, old one!"

"May I suggest Gonzales?"

"Ice cream."

"Courage, La Plume. Courage."

"What is this man doing here?"

"What does a yellow light mean?"

"Touch 'em all, baseball man!"

Phil and Buster

I haven't followed the filibuster story all that closely and I certainly don't know the intricacies of Senate parliamentary procedure. But it seems to me that it's only fair if the nominees get a vote, yea or nay, in the full Senate. If the Democrats can defeat a nominee, fine. But let them be voted on.

What kind of filibuster is this anyway? I always thought you had to stand up there and keep talking, like Mr. Smith, when he went to Washington.

M-O-N-E-Y

Money. Have you ever wonder what money is, really? It's a strange concept if you think about it.

Disclaimer: I have no economic training except for an Agricultural Economics class I took in college. So if I sound like an idiot, that's perhaps because I am.

In the old days, money was valuable in and of itself. Coins were made of gold or silver, copper or electrum. Much later, paper notes were introduced but were still backed by gold or silver, meaning that you could exchange the note for the precious metal.

We then moved off the gold-backed currency (not until Nixon, I think) and today we simply have pieces of paper. Or not. Many financial transactions occur virtually, where paper money never changes hands. Kids today may never see a personal check, or any check for that matter.

I suppose the concept of money is well understood by economists, but not by me. I understand what it is and what it does but how would you explain it to someone, say a visitor from another planet (hypothetically), who had no concept of it.

I heard someone say that money is essentially "canned time." That is, it's a way of trading our time for goods based on the relative value of our time. A brain surgeon's time is worth more economically than a teacher's, so he earns more money per unit time. It's certainly easier than that surgeon trying to barter his skills for needed goods. How many Big Macs do you trade for a sub-dural hematoma?

So nowadays almost all of our money is accounted for on computers- somewhere. Way back, when a thief robbed someone, he needed to get his hands on real goods- things that actually existed. Now, they can sit in their pajamas somewhere (Russia, Nigeria or their mother's basement) and steal you blind. They can pretend to be you without the false mustache and fake accent.

It's a wonderful time to be alive, what with progress and all. You can buy things from all over the world right from your computer screen. You can conduct almost all of your bank related business from home. You can have all of your wealth pilfered without ever seeing the guy who did it.

Are they serious?

via Amy Welborn

Tribute to Pope John Paul II is a compilation planned as a celebration of the inspirational words, poems and prayers of the Pope. The producer called upon various talented individuals to share the words that most inspired them. OnQ Digital is releasing this video for the first time to share with the world the thoughts of Pope John Paul II, as conveyed by celebrities such as Britney Spears, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Danny Glover, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Deepak Chopra, Kirk Franklin, Vince Gill, James Earl Jones, Monica, 'N Sync, Edward James Olmos, and Brooke Shields.

Oh, my.

Baseball Memories

I was born a Baltimore Orioles Fan and I will die one. Are you one, too? Do names like Jeff Ballard, Floyd Rayford and Kiko Garcia bring back fond memories? Do the names Juan Bell and Glenn Davis fill you with dread?

My mom, when she worked as a medical resident in New York in the late '50s, early '60s, went to Yankee games and remembers seeing Mantle and Maris and Whitey Ford. She said that scores would be broadcast over the hospital intercom and everyone talked about the Yanks.

My earliest memory of being at the ballpark was at Memorial Stadium. I was probably four or five years old. Do I remember seeing Brooks Robinson or Jim Palmer or Boog Powell? Nope. What I remember was my bother taking my Coke, in a cup with cellophane wrapped on top as they used to do in those days, opening it and drinking it himself.

My next baseball memory was at Candlestick Park. It was 1976 and I was six or seven. Do I remember the game? Nope. Although I remember it was a doubleheader and we left before the second game was done. What I do remember was they had a sort of bicentennial themed half-time show between games. And I think I only remember that because we have a few blurry photos in our old albums.

After that I remember trying to catch the O's when they played on The Game of the Week, which didn't happen so often. In those days though, Game of the Week was the only baseball on TV. No ESPN, Comcast, FoxSports or anything like that. So I remember watching whatever teams were on and listening to guys like Vin Scully and Curt Gowdy.

I remember looking in the paper the next day to see how the O's did. That was how we followed the team in those days. We'd read about call-ups from the minors and wonder what they looked like. My brother and I both imagined Larry Sheets was a small, fast African-American. Little did we realize he looked more like Li'l Abner.

I vividly remember first seeing the grass at Memorial Stadium when we went to a game in the early '80s. It was so very green and seemed to jump out at us when we walked out of the entrance tunnel.

My brother and I went to Opening Day in '89. This was the year after the O's Annus Horribilis, when we lost the first 21 games of the season. They were saying on the radio that some Boston pundit wrote that Clemens would throw a no-hitter. Well, we won the game 5-4 in extra innings and Cal hit a three-run homer against the Rocketman. That was also the first time I saw a President of The United States in person. President Bush threw out the first pitch and brought along President Hosni Mubarak of Egypt.

It wasn't until college that I began listening to games on the radio. I bought a semi-decent radio at Radio Shack and would carefully tune in the station at night. I remember one night I tuned in and thought I got the wrong station but it was definitely the O's game. So I listened to this wonderful voice call the action and thought to myself that this guy was really good. I learned later in the game that voice was Ernie Harwell's, who had called a couple of innings as a guest announcer. Not many people know that he called the first game ever at Memorial Stadium for the Orioles and the last game played there, for the Tigers.

I hope that I can add 2005 to my list of memories. It's been a long time since the O's were this good. Here's hopin'.

Okay, so not until Friday

Forget about what I wrote about wieght loss in the post below. Just disregard it. I'll start on Friday instead.

Is it any wonder I'm fat?

As good a day as any

Today I shall start to try, yet again, to lose some of my excess poundage. I've been able to lose some in the past and even keep some of it off. But I need to start trying again. So today I begin.

I figure if I put it on the blog I'll have a little more incentive to keep it up, even though no one reads this. The thing is, somebody could read it, even if they have no idea on earth who I am.

Wish me luck. Better yet, say a prayer. Thanks.

Is it going too far?

I've been thinking about the illusory Newsweek story about a Koran being flushed down the toilet. All things being equal, we should respect other people's religious beliefs and flushing someone's holy book down a toilet is not something which we should do. But the thing is, not all things are equal.

You see, the people at Gitmo are not ordinary people. They are radical terrorists bent on Western destruction and world-wide Islamic rule. In their eyes we are all infidels deserving of death. We are the Great Satan and must be destroyed.

Now, I don't think that flushing religious objects down a toilet is a particularly effective interrogation technique. If that were done to me, it would probably harden my resolve not to cooperate. But what if it were an effective technique. Should we do it? I don't really have a problem with it.

I am not a supporter of torture even though I feel certain people are deserving of torture as a punishment for their crimes. On that point I bow to the wisdom of Mother Church and do not endorse it in any way, shape or form. But flushing a book (or pages of a book or however it is you flush a book) is in no way torture. Is it mean? Sure. But this isn't grade school, kids. It's war. In war, mean things happen.

And they call this Journalism

So Newseek has saw fit to retract their story about the supposed Koran desecration at Guantanamo Bay. How did we get to this point? Newsweek relied on a single source who now cannot remember where he saw the allegation. They then went to two Pentagon sources who apparently didn't deny the report which Newsweek took to mean tacit confirmation, and then counted them as sources.

You'd be better off reading Weekly World News. At least their stories sometimes might be true. And they aren't partially responsible for the deaths of 17 people.

Catholic Insider

I really enjoy the podcasts of Fr. Roderick Vonhögen of The Netherlands. He's not only a Catholic priest, he's a Star Wars übergeek who was invited to George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch. If you look at his archives, he has podcasts from the Vatican during Pope John Paul's death and during the Conclave and announcement of Benedict XVI.

The only bad thing is that I currently only have dial-up so I have to be careful about when to download the rather large files.

Ascentecost

I understand that in much of the United States, Ascension Thursday is now on Sunday, forty-three days after Easter. Perhaps this explains the origin of the Sestina, the six days of prayer that the Apostles conducted until the Holy Spirit descended.

After Mass today I was thinking about moving these feasts. Since the moving of Ascension to Sunday was ostensibly to make it easier for people to celebrate it, wouldn't it make sense to combine even more feasts? Thus, I propose Ascentecost: where Jesus ascends to Heaven while the Holy Spirit, in the form of tongues of flame, descends at the same time. They meet in the middle and voilà- Our Saviour on fire with the Spirit.

Homer and Me

I watched the Simpsons episode tonight that dealt with Bart and Homer converting to Catholicism. I thought it was funny and didn't see anything really objectionable about it.